Andrea,
This is just a great blog. I'm extremely glad I found it (from MoneyEnergy.com)
Anyways, another great option to save some bucks is to find the nearest Aldi Grocery Store. They can be tough to find depending on where you live, but they have 8800 locations worldwide and they have you about 45% when companed to most local grocery stores.
Best Wishes!
We've been a one-income family for 15 of our 20 year marriage. It was so luxurious having two incomes at the start. We could eat out (other than fast food) or go on vacations just about any time without having to deliberately save for it. Now, on one five-figure income and five little ones at home, it is a challenge to say the least. I could work, and make a pretty good salary, but we've set our priorities.
This describes me so well, single with no kids. When I first moved out on my own I ate Chinese food everyday for dinner.....just imagine my monthly food bill because I also ate fast food for lunch. I only buy meats at Costco or Sam's Club and I find it helpful to separate your meat in the gallon size ziplock bags because those bags have enough room to feed one person. So each morning I pull a bag out the freezer depending on what I want to eat. I don't know but it helps me, but there are pluses and minuses to shopping at the warehouse stores even if you are single with no kids.
I enjoy seeing the comments and the different points of view. I'd like to add one more, that of a single woman.
I have to admit that the CNN article initially was a bit of a slap in the face. Essentially, I'm all I've got. It's exhausting to work the long hours I do and still do all of the cleaning, laundry, shopping, budgeting, meal planning, etc. that a stay-at-home-wife without kids does. I have to save for my own retirement and be extra careful to have an emergency back-up fund because there's no one else's income to fall back on. I don't have a choice to live on one income or two.
But I don't really envy these women, actually. It's tough living on your own, and if these stay-at-home wives suddenly find themselves single again, they'll have an even harder time getting into the work force and supporting themselves than single professional women like me who kept up in their fields and have years of experience. I want to be married (and if I have my way, we'll live on one income and save the second), but I know if I end up alone again I'll be able to cope.
. . . to read how this whole conversation has developed. I've been on both sides, so I'll try to jump in from both.
First of all, I think to anyone who is only contemplating the one spouse staying at home option (and who also really wants to try this), it can seem from the outside like a status symbol or luxury. I know it certainly did to me before I was able to do it. That's not to say that I didn't recognize it was valuable from a parenting perspective, but I still saw it as something that might be permanently unavailable to me. No matter how much people drew me a picture about how it could be done, I didn't see it. Partly because doing everything on your own when you're single is exhausting, which makes it hard to see past the financial and general chore crap that can overwhelm a couple, let alone a single individual.
Then, my husband asked me to marry him and leave a great paying job in Kuwait to come be with him in Italy. No worries, if I wanted to work fine, if I didn't fine. Also, it was difficult to find work unless it was for English instruction, and high speed internet wasn't exactly the norm when we lived there. So the online thing wasn't as open then. I did eventually find English instruction work, but it was more spending money than anything that would actually contribute, which was fine. Now, you might think I was dancing a jig and feeling particularly pampered. The truth is, I thought I would be, but it was honestly quite terrifying and unsettling. What I had always thought would be a cake walk was actually a large cliff of trust to jump off. Then, there was the issue someone above mentioned about people seeing you differently from the outside, and not having access to some of the like minded people I have access to now. That's nothing against anyone, I'm just saying it seriously factored into the equation of how I dealt with giving up my job. It also, I would dare guess, was not the easiest on my husband who I'm sure felt like he was offering this huge gift only to have me complain about my lack of options. He was a good sport and really tried to understand what I was feeling, but I'm positive I didn't make it easy on him.
Since there wasn't anything left to do but explore my options and come to grip with the situation, I guess there was a certain amount of luxury in being able to take a year or two and research investment ideas, thrift strategies and figure out what type of online projects I wanted to do once I got back to a more regular form of internet. And I'm not unaware that many people would love to have that kind of time. But I can't say it wasn't without effort. My husband certainly brought home enough, but it was an enlisted salary after all and it only goes so far. So I definitely had to up my game on the thrift front. (Thank God for Penny Market.)
Eventually, we both realized that our lives were much more balanced and financially healthy having me home. And getting back to the states (as much as we loved Italy - in all honesty we may eventually move back there) allowed me access to other folks who were sharing our priorities, which helped me feel supported in our choice, rather than feeling like we had to justify it all the time. I'm definitely with Kate in that preventing unnecessary expenditures and the thrift efforts is a huge contribution. Also, because my husband is so awesome about dealing the checkbook balancing and regular bill paying, I have way more time to track other financial stuff: Things I would want to explore if I were single or even working traditionally within the marriage, but would honestly not have the time to tackle or do well.
Now that he's retired from the military and going to school and writing full time, I have more access to him as well, so I can totally relate to the individual who was mentioning that the home front support really does make him more productive. My husband felt that when I was the only one of us "home but working", and now I get to feel the same support from him too. (Man, was I happy to hand off the ironing, and computer problem solving.)
I realize that we are fortunate to have these options, but the truth is we have remained disciplined in order to have them. We may have to take a couple of temporary McJobs in order to bank up a bit after the flood, but so far we haven't had to. If we hadn't been so insured and saved up and downsized already though, this really might have sunk us.
I guess this is a long way of saying both sides are correct to a certain extent. I know for a fact that several of my husband's coworkers prior to military retirement thought the fact he had a wife with no kids at home was luxurious, but he was the first one to stand up and tell them how hard I worked. Yes, I realize that some people don't have a choice at all, and believe me I've been there. For those of us who are doing it though, I would ask everyone to remember there are definitely two sides to the coin. Not that anyone's been disrespectful, I'm just tossing this in as my long-winded two cents.
I've found that review sites are not at all reliable, even ones that take reviews from a variety of sources. I checked out some of my favorite movies on Rotten Tomatoes, and the reviews were mediocre at best. Some other movies I thought were horrible had fairly good reviews. As soon as one relatively respected reviewer comes out with a review one way or the other, it becomes trendy to either agree or disagree. It's the whole Jar-Jar Binks phenomenon. It became trendy to absolutely detest the character, when at best he was only mildly annoying and actually fit in with the movie just fine. I tend not to bother with reviews any more. I might read them occasionally, but I certainly don't let them influence my watching decisions. Sometimes they're dead on, but just as often I completely disagree.
I grew up in a working poor family. I was able to attend Northwestern University on scholarships, grants and student loans, in addition to working two jobs the entire four years. My husband was mostly the same, though his family was more middle class than mine, and he also went to NU. Then I went to graduate school, earned a fellowship, and finished a master's degree. My husband has been underemployed at times and was out of work for 6 months last year when his company was bought out. We both work for state government as public servents, so our salary is in the low range for our occupations. We have one child and live in the city limits of Columbus, OH in an average house in an average neighborhood with city (not suburb) school district and taxes.
That said, it does require living frugally in order to "get ahead". We mostly live on one income (which helped when he lost his job). Until this very month, we did not have internet service at home and we had just one, 10-year old car. We just bought a 2006 Toyota and paid cash because we saved LONG AND HARD for that car. As it turns out, my husband will no longer be able to take public transportation to work because his office is moving well out of range of the bus service here starting next month, so we will need to use both of the cars, unfortunately.
We fully fund our Roth IRAs because we don't get 401(k)s being government employees, so we don't get any matching funds or anything. We pay 10% into our public pension funds, which is more than what is taken out of people's checks for Social Security. I am a union member, so I get union dues deducted. I take the bus to work and have my bus pass deducted pretax. I pay daycare pretax.
I am a coupon queen. I curb shop. I dumpster dive. I go to yard sales, rummage sales, thrift stores, I freecycle, use craigslist, and we reuse/reduce/repurpose everything possible. It's good stewardship and it's good on the pocketbook.
However, to do all this, no, we can't take vacations. We have had one vacation in the 6 years of marriage (and no honeymoon either). That was to Florida for 5 days. We've had some MAJOR house repairs (foundation, roof, sump pump, water heater, electrical). Major medical bills (I had to have two bones removed from my feet due to avascular necrosis).
I too wonder where we went wrong. It seems like we should be able to vacation to Florida or somewhere once a year, not once a decade. It seems we should be able to afford a house in a better school district or that has a foundation that isn't falling apart. I should be able to afford organic produce and dairy if I so desire. But to save for emergencies, pay cash for a car, fund my retirement- I can't. So I don't.
I'm not complaining about some things- I don't mind buying used and doing without some things. But I would like to be able to vacation more and have a home in a better location and in better condition. Unfortunately, the public (me included) doesn't want to pay higher taxes so us government employees can earn a moderate salary for our occupations.
"My husband and I live on less than one of our incomes, and that gives me a sense of security because in case one of us lose our jobs or becomes unable to work at least we know we can survive on one income. Additionally, saving the extra income for the future lets us reach early retirement more quickly."
"Living on one income" (i.e., living within your means) is different from the conspicuous luxury of one partner choosing to stay at home. I believe that many people reacting to the CNN article are focusing on "Anne Marie" and probably responding viscerally to where she discusses feeling "overwhelmed" as a high school teacher and how much more fulfilled she is now that she has time for "reading, creative writing and exploring new hobbies, like sewing." To many people feeling financially trapped, it's easy to take this as a slap in the face -- especially since these are childless couples.
Our household is budgeted to run on less than one person's income. We set up our budget so that we could more easily absorb a financial blow. I'm glad that we did because this year we had the double-whammy: (1) new baby, (2) my partner lost her job. We're getting by on just my income with only minimal changes to our spending habits and I'm grateful for that.
The people they talked to in the CNN article all seem happy with their decisions. That's great for them. If they're not living outside of their means and they're able to save enough for retirement and have an emergency fund stashed away, etc. Good on them. But that doesn't make it any less of a conspicuous luxury to the rest of the folks out there that wonder how (even on a budget) they're going to make those single-income dollars stretch.
My husband and I both work full time, and I earn more than he does, by about 20%. Last year, he lost his job and was out of work for 6 months. Were it not for my job, we would have lost our health insurance. Due to us having FULLY BANKED one income, we did not have to use credit cards to get by during that period of time. In fact, we were still able to save a little. We have a toddler and hope to have more children. When that happens, I do want to stay home with them. I garden, can, bake, cook from scratch, sew, crochet, I cut our family's hair- all skills that are being lost with current generations. Did I mention I'm 29 years old? I have a master's degree and work as a professional, however, my heart is at home with my family. I feel as if it is God that provides for us, and that is why I was meant to be working when my husband lost his job. I have faith that my prayers will be answered and that I will be able to be a full time mother, wife, and woman rather than the half-@@@ed job I feel like I am doing because I am currently spread so thin between work, time spent getting ready for work and travel time, trying to stay on top of laundry and grocery shopping, and the like. Not to mention trying to find time to play with my child or have a moment with my husband.
Peanut butter and honey spread on bread is simply heaven. The honey takes away the 'claggy' feel of the peanut butter too. It works just as well with golden syrup but would, I assume be less healthy.
When I took some time off to recover from a major illness I got to see what this all was like. Where I live one parent staying home is certainly seen as a luxury and a status symbol. In general there seems to be two situations where the wife stays home. Either they have considerable income and the wife staying home is a status symbol or they are religious conservatives that forbid their wives from working. The wage vs. cost of living here almost requires both to work unless your well over the median income.
Not working was a very surreal experience. I frequently got insinuations that I was lazy, because I wasn't actively working at that time. This was really frustrating since I had come from a high pressure long hours professional career and now was talked down to and treated with contempt. It was also very isolating because I really had nothing in common with the people I encountered that weren't working during the day, they all had vastly different priorities and interests that I did.
It is seen as a luxury and at the same time seen with some contempt by many people.
I would have no problems with this concept if it were equal numbers of men staying at home as women. But it's not.
I don't think it's unfortunate that it's uncommon these days. I appreciate that it's not assumed that women will give up work when they get married.
In the good old days, it really was a status symbol. My grandfather was very proud of the fact that he made enough money that his wife didn't have to work. The other side of my family were less well off and the wives often worked.
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#11 - I'd hazard a guess that a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, even without the natural peanut butter and sugar-free jelly that I like to eat, has roughly the same number of calories (or less) than a ceasar salad from a bag.
#20 - You are probably right - with kids, shopping becomes much less frequent, because children are a pain to take to the supermarket. That's why this post was primarily for the single folk.
My husband and I plan on living on as close to one income as possible (once we pay down some more debt), even though we both work, simply because of the insurance factor you mentioned- if one of us loses our job and we live on one income, we won't even have to dip into savings to cover it. I think I'd quite like being able to stay at home (I don't have any kids) or work very part time, but as we both have significant earning power and need to save money for future big purchases like a house, I can't justify losing out on the extra savings right now. Perhaps when we have kids, I'll stay home for a few years.
I am a stay-at-home mom. While I acknowledge that my husband and I come from well-off suburban families from white bread neighborhoods, we definitely have to scrimp and save where we can to survive on one income. I would say it is a status symbol for some, but for us it is about priorities. We would rather do without things than send our daughter off to daycare. Children are only small for a few precious years, and we make sacrifices to experience and nurture this time.
Andrea, what a fabulous post. I read it several times over and have bookmarked for future reference!
Your line "shop like a European" made me smile. I always feel guilty when I hit the grocery store repeatedly throughout the week. But similarly, I usually only know what I want to have for dinner a few minutes before I eat it. And again, pasta and rice are the staples for amazing dishes, thai, indian, you name it. So I completely agree with you there too.
Honestly, I could probably comment on every paragraph and how great it was but I don't want to take up too much of your time because I hope you will write something more soon!
One last note, moving to a city with no Whole Foods has helped my budget tremendously. Needless to say, I was salivating just thinking about the food there...oh how I miss it!!
I'm bothered that articles discussing single-income families always assume that it's the woman who stays at home. My husband stays home and we choose to live on my modest salary. When he tells people that he's a stay at home dad, they always assume I must have some high-paying, high-powered job because and are quite shocked to learn that I work as a librarian. This arrangement works beautifully for us but it's an option I hardly ever seen mentioned, even in places where the financial advantages of a woman are often touted.
I am a full-time freelancer and my fiance doesn't work. She takes care of our two girls (and me). It makes me much more productive to have her around during the day, as well it makes us much more price conscience with our spending. I couldn't imagine how we could afford daycare for two girls.
We are a single-income family, saving more money than most dual-income families. I think the time when the dual-income families has more money the a single-income family are gone. We live in a larger house and are saving more money then my brother while our income is 40% less then his dual-income.
They earn 40% more gross income, yet have less money then we do because the costs of working (taxes, cars, clothes, etc.) and the additional cost to hire out the house work (cutting the grass, cleaning the house, eating out rather then in, etc.) added together are move expensive then people realize. The coming recession and inflation will increase the expenses of a dual-income family and give even more advantage to a single-income family.
The idea that an average family has more money with a dual-income then a single-income is a myth. Of course there are always exceptions, but if you run the numbers with all the expenses - a single-income families actually has the edge.
I married my husband during my first semester of college and he's paid the bills ever since while I've gone to and finally graduated from college. I'm now working from home for a startup (i.e. I'm greatly underpaid unless it really takes off).
It is a luxury in that I consider having the choice to be a luxury -- and I am very grateful to have that choice. I could have gone out and get a traditional job. I'm sure we wouldn't be in such debt if I had, though my husband is now making enough that we're chipping away at the debt slowly but surely -- especially now that we've been going frugal (thanks a lot help from blogs I read like Wise Bread).
However, this has worked well for us in many other ways. I got to focus on college and graduate sooner than I would have if I had to work. And now I'm working on a project that we hope will eventually bring in a lot more money than if I had gone out and gotten a 'regular' job around here. And while I don't consider myself a "housewife" so much as a "working from home wife", I have definitely helped my husband around the house and with our joint business ventures. I might not be the best cook or like vacuuming, but I garden, take care of the chickens, find more ways to save us money, and occasionally write some pretty nice CSS.
Still, I do get a lot of odd reactions from people -- especially when they realize that we don't have kids (and not planning on any in the near future). Some people can be really rude and I definitely detect some jealousy. I've had people tell me "It must be so nice not to have to do anything" even after I've told them about many of the projects I work on online and off. So, yes, I'm used to people thinking I'm lazy. But I know I'm not and you can ask my husband. He probably wishes I wasn't such a workaholic.
Andrea,
This is just a great blog. I'm extremely glad I found it (from MoneyEnergy.com)
Anyways, another great option to save some bucks is to find the nearest Aldi Grocery Store. They can be tough to find depending on where you live, but they have 8800 locations worldwide and they have you about 45% when companed to most local grocery stores.
Best Wishes!
We've been a one-income family for 15 of our 20 year marriage. It was so luxurious having two incomes at the start. We could eat out (other than fast food) or go on vacations just about any time without having to deliberately save for it. Now, on one five-figure income and five little ones at home, it is a challenge to say the least. I could work, and make a pretty good salary, but we've set our priorities.
This describes me so well, single with no kids. When I first moved out on my own I ate Chinese food everyday for dinner.....just imagine my monthly food bill because I also ate fast food for lunch. I only buy meats at Costco or Sam's Club and I find it helpful to separate your meat in the gallon size ziplock bags because those bags have enough room to feed one person. So each morning I pull a bag out the freezer depending on what I want to eat. I don't know but it helps me, but there are pluses and minuses to shopping at the warehouse stores even if you are single with no kids.
I enjoy seeing the comments and the different points of view. I'd like to add one more, that of a single woman.
I have to admit that the CNN article initially was a bit of a slap in the face. Essentially, I'm all I've got. It's exhausting to work the long hours I do and still do all of the cleaning, laundry, shopping, budgeting, meal planning, etc. that a stay-at-home-wife without kids does. I have to save for my own retirement and be extra careful to have an emergency back-up fund because there's no one else's income to fall back on. I don't have a choice to live on one income or two.
But I don't really envy these women, actually. It's tough living on your own, and if these stay-at-home wives suddenly find themselves single again, they'll have an even harder time getting into the work force and supporting themselves than single professional women like me who kept up in their fields and have years of experience. I want to be married (and if I have my way, we'll live on one income and save the second), but I know if I end up alone again I'll be able to cope.
. . . to read how this whole conversation has developed. I've been on both sides, so I'll try to jump in from both.
First of all, I think to anyone who is only contemplating the one spouse staying at home option (and who also really wants to try this), it can seem from the outside like a status symbol or luxury. I know it certainly did to me before I was able to do it. That's not to say that I didn't recognize it was valuable from a parenting perspective, but I still saw it as something that might be permanently unavailable to me. No matter how much people drew me a picture about how it could be done, I didn't see it. Partly because doing everything on your own when you're single is exhausting, which makes it hard to see past the financial and general chore crap that can overwhelm a couple, let alone a single individual.
Then, my husband asked me to marry him and leave a great paying job in Kuwait to come be with him in Italy. No worries, if I wanted to work fine, if I didn't fine. Also, it was difficult to find work unless it was for English instruction, and high speed internet wasn't exactly the norm when we lived there. So the online thing wasn't as open then. I did eventually find English instruction work, but it was more spending money than anything that would actually contribute, which was fine. Now, you might think I was dancing a jig and feeling particularly pampered. The truth is, I thought I would be, but it was honestly quite terrifying and unsettling. What I had always thought would be a cake walk was actually a large cliff of trust to jump off. Then, there was the issue someone above mentioned about people seeing you differently from the outside, and not having access to some of the like minded people I have access to now. That's nothing against anyone, I'm just saying it seriously factored into the equation of how I dealt with giving up my job. It also, I would dare guess, was not the easiest on my husband who I'm sure felt like he was offering this huge gift only to have me complain about my lack of options. He was a good sport and really tried to understand what I was feeling, but I'm positive I didn't make it easy on him.
Since there wasn't anything left to do but explore my options and come to grip with the situation, I guess there was a certain amount of luxury in being able to take a year or two and research investment ideas, thrift strategies and figure out what type of online projects I wanted to do once I got back to a more regular form of internet. And I'm not unaware that many people would love to have that kind of time. But I can't say it wasn't without effort. My husband certainly brought home enough, but it was an enlisted salary after all and it only goes so far. So I definitely had to up my game on the thrift front. (Thank God for Penny Market.)
Eventually, we both realized that our lives were much more balanced and financially healthy having me home. And getting back to the states (as much as we loved Italy - in all honesty we may eventually move back there) allowed me access to other folks who were sharing our priorities, which helped me feel supported in our choice, rather than feeling like we had to justify it all the time. I'm definitely with Kate in that preventing unnecessary expenditures and the thrift efforts is a huge contribution. Also, because my husband is so awesome about dealing the checkbook balancing and regular bill paying, I have way more time to track other financial stuff: Things I would want to explore if I were single or even working traditionally within the marriage, but would honestly not have the time to tackle or do well.
Now that he's retired from the military and going to school and writing full time, I have more access to him as well, so I can totally relate to the individual who was mentioning that the home front support really does make him more productive. My husband felt that when I was the only one of us "home but working", and now I get to feel the same support from him too. (Man, was I happy to hand off the ironing, and computer problem solving.)
I realize that we are fortunate to have these options, but the truth is we have remained disciplined in order to have them. We may have to take a couple of temporary McJobs in order to bank up a bit after the flood, but so far we haven't had to. If we hadn't been so insured and saved up and downsized already though, this really might have sunk us.
I guess this is a long way of saying both sides are correct to a certain extent. I know for a fact that several of my husband's coworkers prior to military retirement thought the fact he had a wife with no kids at home was luxurious, but he was the first one to stand up and tell them how hard I worked. Yes, I realize that some people don't have a choice at all, and believe me I've been there. For those of us who are doing it though, I would ask everyone to remember there are definitely two sides to the coin. Not that anyone's been disrespectful, I'm just tossing this in as my long-winded two cents.
Anyone else?
I've found that review sites are not at all reliable, even ones that take reviews from a variety of sources. I checked out some of my favorite movies on Rotten Tomatoes, and the reviews were mediocre at best. Some other movies I thought were horrible had fairly good reviews. As soon as one relatively respected reviewer comes out with a review one way or the other, it becomes trendy to either agree or disagree. It's the whole Jar-Jar Binks phenomenon. It became trendy to absolutely detest the character, when at best he was only mildly annoying and actually fit in with the movie just fine. I tend not to bother with reviews any more. I might read them occasionally, but I certainly don't let them influence my watching decisions. Sometimes they're dead on, but just as often I completely disagree.
I grew up in a working poor family. I was able to attend Northwestern University on scholarships, grants and student loans, in addition to working two jobs the entire four years. My husband was mostly the same, though his family was more middle class than mine, and he also went to NU. Then I went to graduate school, earned a fellowship, and finished a master's degree. My husband has been underemployed at times and was out of work for 6 months last year when his company was bought out. We both work for state government as public servents, so our salary is in the low range for our occupations. We have one child and live in the city limits of Columbus, OH in an average house in an average neighborhood with city (not suburb) school district and taxes.
That said, it does require living frugally in order to "get ahead". We mostly live on one income (which helped when he lost his job). Until this very month, we did not have internet service at home and we had just one, 10-year old car. We just bought a 2006 Toyota and paid cash because we saved LONG AND HARD for that car. As it turns out, my husband will no longer be able to take public transportation to work because his office is moving well out of range of the bus service here starting next month, so we will need to use both of the cars, unfortunately.
We fully fund our Roth IRAs because we don't get 401(k)s being government employees, so we don't get any matching funds or anything. We pay 10% into our public pension funds, which is more than what is taken out of people's checks for Social Security. I am a union member, so I get union dues deducted. I take the bus to work and have my bus pass deducted pretax. I pay daycare pretax.
I am a coupon queen. I curb shop. I dumpster dive. I go to yard sales, rummage sales, thrift stores, I freecycle, use craigslist, and we reuse/reduce/repurpose everything possible. It's good stewardship and it's good on the pocketbook.
However, to do all this, no, we can't take vacations. We have had one vacation in the 6 years of marriage (and no honeymoon either). That was to Florida for 5 days. We've had some MAJOR house repairs (foundation, roof, sump pump, water heater, electrical). Major medical bills (I had to have two bones removed from my feet due to avascular necrosis).
I too wonder where we went wrong. It seems like we should be able to vacation to Florida or somewhere once a year, not once a decade. It seems we should be able to afford a house in a better school district or that has a foundation that isn't falling apart. I should be able to afford organic produce and dairy if I so desire. But to save for emergencies, pay cash for a car, fund my retirement- I can't. So I don't.
I'm not complaining about some things- I don't mind buying used and doing without some things. But I would like to be able to vacation more and have a home in a better location and in better condition. Unfortunately, the public (me included) doesn't want to pay higher taxes so us government employees can earn a moderate salary for our occupations.
In part replying to #4 and in part to this:
"My husband and I live on less than one of our incomes, and that gives me a sense of security because in case one of us lose our jobs or becomes unable to work at least we know we can survive on one income. Additionally, saving the extra income for the future lets us reach early retirement more quickly."
"Living on one income" (i.e., living within your means) is different from the conspicuous luxury of one partner choosing to stay at home. I believe that many people reacting to the CNN article are focusing on "Anne Marie" and probably responding viscerally to where she discusses feeling "overwhelmed" as a high school teacher and how much more fulfilled she is now that she has time for "reading, creative writing and exploring new hobbies, like sewing." To many people feeling financially trapped, it's easy to take this as a slap in the face -- especially since these are childless couples.
Our household is budgeted to run on less than one person's income. We set up our budget so that we could more easily absorb a financial blow. I'm glad that we did because this year we had the double-whammy: (1) new baby, (2) my partner lost her job. We're getting by on just my income with only minimal changes to our spending habits and I'm grateful for that.
The people they talked to in the CNN article all seem happy with their decisions. That's great for them. If they're not living outside of their means and they're able to save enough for retirement and have an emergency fund stashed away, etc. Good on them. But that doesn't make it any less of a conspicuous luxury to the rest of the folks out there that wonder how (even on a budget) they're going to make those single-income dollars stretch.
My husband and I both work full time, and I earn more than he does, by about 20%. Last year, he lost his job and was out of work for 6 months. Were it not for my job, we would have lost our health insurance. Due to us having FULLY BANKED one income, we did not have to use credit cards to get by during that period of time. In fact, we were still able to save a little. We have a toddler and hope to have more children. When that happens, I do want to stay home with them. I garden, can, bake, cook from scratch, sew, crochet, I cut our family's hair- all skills that are being lost with current generations. Did I mention I'm 29 years old? I have a master's degree and work as a professional, however, my heart is at home with my family. I feel as if it is God that provides for us, and that is why I was meant to be working when my husband lost his job. I have faith that my prayers will be answered and that I will be able to be a full time mother, wife, and woman rather than the half-@@@ed job I feel like I am doing because I am currently spread so thin between work, time spent getting ready for work and travel time, trying to stay on top of laundry and grocery shopping, and the like. Not to mention trying to find time to play with my child or have a moment with my husband.
Peanut butter and honey spread on bread is simply heaven. The honey takes away the 'claggy' feel of the peanut butter too. It works just as well with golden syrup but would, I assume be less healthy.
When I took some time off to recover from a major illness I got to see what this all was like. Where I live one parent staying home is certainly seen as a luxury and a status symbol. In general there seems to be two situations where the wife stays home. Either they have considerable income and the wife staying home is a status symbol or they are religious conservatives that forbid their wives from working. The wage vs. cost of living here almost requires both to work unless your well over the median income.
Not working was a very surreal experience. I frequently got insinuations that I was lazy, because I wasn't actively working at that time. This was really frustrating since I had come from a high pressure long hours professional career and now was talked down to and treated with contempt. It was also very isolating because I really had nothing in common with the people I encountered that weren't working during the day, they all had vastly different priorities and interests that I did.
It is seen as a luxury and at the same time seen with some contempt by many people.
I would have no problems with this concept if it were equal numbers of men staying at home as women. But it's not.
I don't think it's unfortunate that it's uncommon these days. I appreciate that it's not assumed that women will give up work when they get married.
In the good old days, it really was a status symbol. My grandfather was very proud of the fact that he made enough money that his wife didn't have to work. The other side of my family were less well off and the wives often worked.
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#11 - I'd hazard a guess that a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, even without the natural peanut butter and sugar-free jelly that I like to eat, has roughly the same number of calories (or less) than a ceasar salad from a bag.
#20 - You are probably right - with kids, shopping becomes much less frequent, because children are a pain to take to the supermarket. That's why this post was primarily for the single folk.
#21 - Thanks so much! Very kind of you. :)
My husband and I plan on living on as close to one income as possible (once we pay down some more debt), even though we both work, simply because of the insurance factor you mentioned- if one of us loses our job and we live on one income, we won't even have to dip into savings to cover it. I think I'd quite like being able to stay at home (I don't have any kids) or work very part time, but as we both have significant earning power and need to save money for future big purchases like a house, I can't justify losing out on the extra savings right now. Perhaps when we have kids, I'll stay home for a few years.
I am a stay-at-home mom. While I acknowledge that my husband and I come from well-off suburban families from white bread neighborhoods, we definitely have to scrimp and save where we can to survive on one income. I would say it is a status symbol for some, but for us it is about priorities. We would rather do without things than send our daughter off to daycare. Children are only small for a few precious years, and we make sacrifices to experience and nurture this time.
Andrea, what a fabulous post. I read it several times over and have bookmarked for future reference!
Your line "shop like a European" made me smile. I always feel guilty when I hit the grocery store repeatedly throughout the week. But similarly, I usually only know what I want to have for dinner a few minutes before I eat it. And again, pasta and rice are the staples for amazing dishes, thai, indian, you name it. So I completely agree with you there too.
Honestly, I could probably comment on every paragraph and how great it was but I don't want to take up too much of your time because I hope you will write something more soon!
One last note, moving to a city with no Whole Foods has helped my budget tremendously. Needless to say, I was salivating just thinking about the food there...oh how I miss it!!
Happy Shopping :)
Oops, left out a few words in my original comment....that last line should read "financial advantages of a woman staying AT HOME are often touted."
I'm bothered that articles discussing single-income families always assume that it's the woman who stays at home. My husband stays home and we choose to live on my modest salary. When he tells people that he's a stay at home dad, they always assume I must have some high-paying, high-powered job because and are quite shocked to learn that I work as a librarian. This arrangement works beautifully for us but it's an option I hardly ever seen mentioned, even in places where the financial advantages of a woman are often touted.
I am a full-time freelancer and my fiance doesn't work. She takes care of our two girls (and me). It makes me much more productive to have her around during the day, as well it makes us much more price conscience with our spending. I couldn't imagine how we could afford daycare for two girls.
We are a single-income family, saving more money than most dual-income families. I think the time when the dual-income families has more money the a single-income family are gone. We live in a larger house and are saving more money then my brother while our income is 40% less then his dual-income.
They earn 40% more gross income, yet have less money then we do because the costs of working (taxes, cars, clothes, etc.) and the additional cost to hire out the house work (cutting the grass, cleaning the house, eating out rather then in, etc.) added together are move expensive then people realize. The coming recession and inflation will increase the expenses of a dual-income family and give even more advantage to a single-income family.
The idea that an average family has more money with a dual-income then a single-income is a myth. Of course there are always exceptions, but if you run the numbers with all the expenses - a single-income families actually has the edge.
I married my husband during my first semester of college and he's paid the bills ever since while I've gone to and finally graduated from college. I'm now working from home for a startup (i.e. I'm greatly underpaid unless it really takes off).
It is a luxury in that I consider having the choice to be a luxury -- and I am very grateful to have that choice. I could have gone out and get a traditional job. I'm sure we wouldn't be in such debt if I had, though my husband is now making enough that we're chipping away at the debt slowly but surely -- especially now that we've been going frugal (thanks a lot help from blogs I read like Wise Bread).
However, this has worked well for us in many other ways. I got to focus on college and graduate sooner than I would have if I had to work. And now I'm working on a project that we hope will eventually bring in a lot more money than if I had gone out and gotten a 'regular' job around here. And while I don't consider myself a "housewife" so much as a "working from home wife", I have definitely helped my husband around the house and with our joint business ventures. I might not be the best cook or like vacuuming, but I garden, take care of the chickens, find more ways to save us money, and occasionally write some pretty nice CSS.
Still, I do get a lot of odd reactions from people -- especially when they realize that we don't have kids (and not planning on any in the near future). Some people can be really rude and I definitely detect some jealousy. I've had people tell me "It must be so nice not to have to do anything" even after I've told them about many of the projects I work on online and off. So, yes, I'm used to people thinking I'm lazy. But I know I'm not and you can ask my husband. He probably wishes I wasn't such a workaholic.