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Lenovo Yoga 12.5" Touchscreen Ultrabook
It's A Lifestyle
Much like yoga, this laptop will help you uncover powers you didn't know you had.
They say yoga increases your flexibility, and perhaps gives you greater powers of the mind. They say yoga can change the person you are, and make you part of something larger than yourself.
We can only assume they're talking about this Lenovo Thinkpad Yoga, because the yoga class we went to was just some dude with a hipster beard talking about his six-hundred-a-day lakefront retreat. Oh, and we did some jumping jacks. Those were cool, I guess.
Lamentations of the Wooters: When to Crowdfund
Are you currently in a relationship going nowhere? Have you been let down by someone you once respected? Have you gotten a job offer you don't know if you should take? Does any of that sound like something you're going through with Woot? Whether Woot-related OR not: write into us for some solid advice! Read on for this week’s letters:Here's my lamentation:
Do you think it would be in poor taste for me to try to run a funding site for about $20k to solve the problem below - I don't know what else to do and am pretty desperate... What Would Woot Do?
Signed,
Pretty Desperate
Hello friend! I removed your "problem below” because I don’t think it’s necessary. I think we can all assume the gist is that there is a genuine need, and you see the best way out through crowd funding.
Elongated Bidet Toilet Seat
Bidetting War
Simply the bidest. Bidetter than all the rest.
Let's go over what we, as a society, use in our bathrooms. It's paper. Yes. Paper. We hold it in our hands and then we throw it in the bowl. Isn't that kinda... odd?
Like, do we use paper to scrub the dirt off our car? Do we rub ourselves down with paper in the shower? Do we throw our dirty clothes in a spinning basket with a bunch of paper? Do we use paper on our muddy pets and filthy children? NO! WE USE WATER?
Keep that in mind when considering if you want to buy a bidet. Maybe it's time we leave the paper behind.
GET IT? BEHIND? THAT'S A BIDET JOKE!
Italian Hotel Collection 1000TC 6Pc Embroidered Sheet Set
The Grandest
Grand Hotel quality sheets, for the Grand You-da-best Hotel
Grand Hotels were the very first virtual reality. Even before we even had a thing called "the computer" a Grand Hotel went out of it's way to make every paying guest feel like a billionaire. Before every home had cable? Hotels did. Before many homes had a pool? Hotels did. Before we all had delivery people to bring us lunch? Hotels had a guy who was just a phone call away.
So don't act all surprised that Luxury Hotel Sheets would also have a place in a Grand Hotel. What you SHOULD be surprised about is that you haven't picked up a pair for yourself to enjoy alongside your stolen cable and your inflatable swimming pool and your $9.99 pizza deal.
Hey. Grand is in the heart.
Teeter Hang Ups 700ia Inversion Table
Turnabout
Happy Opposite Day! Please enjoy this Teeter Inversion Table as our Opposite Day event.
Do you remember that girl who rejected you? Today, she's in love with you? That guy who dumped you? Today, you're still together? That cop that gave you a ticket? Today, it's just a check that YOU can cash! It's Opposite Day, you see, and what's upside down is right side up!
But keep in mind, Opposite Day isn't fun at all. You have to pay your boss a day's wage and you have to bring the pizza guy dinner. And don't EVEN try to figure out how you short stocks! Yep, Opposite Day is one of those holidays that sounds great but actually ends up pretty darn terrible. Which is why you're gonna want an Inversion Table, to turn Opposite Day upside down!
HOW TO START YOUR MORNING
In case you walked into the wrong seminar again, this is HOW TO START YOUR MORNING. Good luck and......good luck.
1. let alarm ring
2. don't wake up
3. don't wake up
4. don't wake up
5. fine, wake up...stupid alarm
6. bathroom
7. no, that's the closet
8. bathroom
9. wait, you don't have a closet
10. breakfast
11. there's no food
12. sift through garbage
13. check email
14. go back in time and don't check email
15. continue eating cold chicken from garbage while getting dressed
16. insult clothes
17. brush teeth—never mind no time
18. go to work
19. go back, finish putting on clothes
20. now go to work
21. (if you work from home or work night shift, why did you wake up)
22. stare blankly at everything
23. remember when you were asleep?...so amazing
Music Monday: American Songs
Happy Music Monday! Much like the tune The Star Spangled Banner (written today, in fact) America's an odd sort of nation, a mix of bizarre highs and lows. We all love freedom, but a side effect of being free is that a lot of stuff you don't like has to exist! Naturally, people who don't like your stuff have to deal with that as well. And this means that most of the time we're all sort of mad at other people for using their rights. It's sort of like sharing a house with a family. We're all trapped in this freedom together, aren't we? Today Scott's got five songs about the good and the bad of America. It's your right to not listen, but we hope you do.
T-Fal Oil Filtration EZ Clean Immersion Deep Fryer
Time = Tasty
We're forgetting what real food is! Here's a hint: real food doesn't happen instantly.
There's something missing in the holodeck kitchens of today. Sure, the lovely purples and blues are pretty, but the weird plumes of future-smoke simply don't give our Meat-2 and Carb-4 items the zest we've come to expect. And that's why it's time to take a page from the audiophile magazine. It's time to move back to a deep fryer.
Using real ingredients and real heat, this T-Fall Deep Fryer will use the power of analog to heat your food items of choice, while throwing in an added benefit: that delicious fried taste you simply can't generate through the manipulation of hologramatic fields.
There Can Be Only Pun: Number Two-Player
Anyone who says they've never 1-upped on the crapper is a liar, because everyone knows that while video games are fun, video games while pooping are even funner! With that in mind (you're welcome), we're looking for gaming/bathroom mash-ups. If your shoot-em-up stings the nostrils, you're on the right track.
A few examples:
- Call of Doody
- The Legend of Smellda
- Portal Potty
As always, we're looking for a weekly pun master. Give us your grossest and we'll post our favorites next week.
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