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DO NOT PANIC, CITIZENS! You're just imagining this Woot-Off. Alert no one. Shop as normal.

Hey! It's Woot-Off Time! Wait, what's that you say? You saw one just last week? Ha ha! That's crazy talk! Surely you're mistaken! Why, we've NEVER done two back-to-back Woot-Offs! Probably you were just seeing lights from the airport. Or marsh gas. Don't panic, citizen! All is as it should be. Consume. Consume without questioning.

DO NOT PANIC, CITIZENS! You're just imagining this Woot-Off. Alert no one. Shop as normal.

Hey! It's Woot-Off Time! Wait, what's that you say? You saw one just last week? Ha ha! That's crazy talk! Surely you're mistaken! Why, we've NEVER done two back-to-back Woot-Offs! Probably you were just seeing lights from the airport. Or marsh gas. Don't panic, citizen! All is as it should be. Consume. Consume without questioning.

DO NOT PANIC, CITIZENS! You're just imagining this Woot-Off. Alert no one. Shop as normal.

Hey! It's Woot-Off Time! Wait, what's that you say? You saw one just last week? Ha ha! That's crazy talk! Surely you're mistaken! Why, we've NEVER done two back-to-back Woot-Offs! Probably you were just seeing lights from the airport. Or marsh gas. Don't panic, citizen! All is as it should be. Consume. Consume without questioning.

Prepare for the longest two minutes of your life.

DO NOT PANIC, CITIZENS! You're just imagining this Woot-Off. Alert no one. Shop as normal.

Hey! It's Woot-Off Time! Wait, what's that you say? You saw one just last week? Ha ha! That's crazy talk! Surely you're mistaken! Why, we've NEVER done two back-to-back Woot-Offs! Probably you were just seeing lights from the airport. Or marsh gas. Don't panic, citizen! All is as it should be. Consume. Consume without questioning.