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This article first appeared at US News and World Report Money.

A friend or a family member is struggling with a financial problem. That person comes to you and asks you to lend money to help them through their crisis. What do you do?

This situation comes up quite often in tightly-knit families where there are different levels of financial success. A struggling person will often look to close family members for help in a crisis.

My solution is a hardline one. I don’t lend money to family or friends, no matter what. For many people, however, this is an undesirable solution. Perhaps they do want to help, or perhaps they have difficulty saying no.

Here are four important steps to consider if you are considering lending money to a family member or friend (or have recently done so).

This past weekend, Sarah and I enjoyed a “getaway weekend” in the Amana Colonies with another couple that we’ve been friends with for many years.

Whenever Sarah and I have a “getaway weekend,” we plan ahead for a budget for that trip, setting a soft limit on how much we’re going to spend on food and other items, and this weekend was no different.

Most of the weekend was very enjoyable. However, on Sunday morning, our “soft limit” popped up and became a potentially problematic part of the weekend.

We stopped at Prairie Lights Bookstore because both Sarah and I appreciate and support independent bookstores. When we stopped, we did a quick review of the items we had purchase.

During the first three or four years of our marriage, Sarah and I regularly argued about money issues. It never seemed as though there was enough money to pay for everything and, of course, it must be the other person’s fault, so we’d argue.

Now? I honestly can’t remember our last argument about money. We have had some disagreements, but those disagreements haven’t escalated into an argument in a long time.

I could go on and on about our money conversations. We talk about goals all the time and we run through bills separately and together. We make sure to have a chat about any expenditure that’s even slightly unusual. Communication is incredibly valuable.

Still, I believe the source of our financial and marital peace goes deeper than that. It comes from a few truths that we both hold dear and because of those truths it is very easy to talk about money.

About a month ago, I spent about $150 on a giant pile of used books for a tabletop role playing game. A friend of mine was moving out of the country so I “borrowed ahead” on my personal spending money and dove in headfirst. I deeply enjoy tabletop role playing games and I will likely never get this many books at that price again, plus I was helping someone who was trying to liquidate all of his possessions to make a major life change.

(For those interested, the book collection included several Pathfinder hardbacks and a few complete Pathfinder Adventure Paths.)

It was a splurge. It was a big splurge (at least for me at this point). Typically, when I make a purchase that large, I spend quite a bit of time thinking about it. I didn’t really do that this time, mostly because I didn’t have time to do that kind of reflection.