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Woot! IndyCar! Texas! Sexy!
Woot's IndyCar goes really super fast when it has wheels. And it has an awesome butt.
Cuisinart 11-Piece Cookware Set
Get Cookin'
These pans are all you need to be a great chef, assuming you already have some angel investors and a clever restaurant theme.
When I told my parents I was quitting my job as a CEO and opening a restaurant, they were quite skeptical. "How will you afford to pay for our retirement?" they asked me with fear in their elderly voices. But I did well as a chef! So when I told them I was quitting the restaurant to open a band, they sat me down and DEMANDED I think again.
Mint Hard Floor Cleaner
In the Year 2000
Some people see the merit in a machine that can dry sweep dust, dirt and hair and wet mop hard surface floors. And other people are crazy.
"What's uh ... what's going on there, Kevin?
Just doing a little cleaning.
"See, cuz it looks like you're just slithering around on your belly, licking the floor as you go."
IT'S THE ROBOTS, MAN. WE CAN'T LET THEM TAKE OVER.
"Ooh, yeah. So I'm just gonna back away slowly now and ..."
I'm serious, man. We humans gotta stay relevant. Today, it's intelligent floor-cleaning machines guided by NorthStar® Navigation Systems. Tomorrow, it's hollow boxes of information that'll virtually eliminate the need for encyclopedias!
"You mean like the internet?"
DON'T YOU SPEAK ITS NAME IN THIS HOUSE. A lot of my friends have lost their jobs to that soulless monster.
"Were they watching porn at work?"
Worx Grass Trimmers
Trim Trim Sugar
Happy Father's Day! Give Dad the gift that keeps on giving... a summer of grass cutting.
How To Make An Origami Worx Grass Trimmer For Dad In Fifty-Six Easy Steps
Just follow these instructions and you'll have your own papercraft Worx Grass Trimmer that your father can use on his construction paper lawn! It's so easy to make!
Step One: Take a 55mm sheet of paper.
Step Two: Make a 1mm fold.
Step Three: Repeat Step Two.
Step Four: Repeat Step Two.
Step Five: Repeat Step Two.
Step Six: Repeat Step Two.
Step Seven: Repeat Step Two.
Step Eight: Repeat Step Two.
Step Nine: Repeat Step Two.
Step Ten: Repeat Step Two.
Step Eleven: Repeat Step Two.
Step Twelve: Repeat Step Two.
Step Thirteen: Repeat Step Two.
Step Fourteen: Repeat Step Two.
Step Fifteen: Repeat Step Two.
Pyle Bluetooth Health & Fitness Scale
Just can't weight.
Now here's some scalable technology!
We take you to Pyle’s confidential product development meeting …
MR. CHORTS, PYLE EXECUTIVE: Alright, turds. We need new ideas and we need them fast. Consumers are looking for smart scales that help achieve real, lasting results.
MARNMY SCOTT, DIRECTOR OF SCALE DEVELOPMENT AND WATER FOUNTAIN TECHNOLOGIES: Well, we’ve managed to create a device that measures body fat, hydration levels, muscle/bone level percentages and communicates that data to mobile devices via Bluetooth. That’s a big deal.
CHORTS: UNACCEPTABLE. Our customers deserve better. They want MORE data. Waddaya got, team?
YARNA STROTTS-LOBSTER: We thought it would be helpful if we had a pub trivia feature that asked questions about global capital cities.
CHORTS: I like it. What else?
Yakima Doubledown 4 Bike Hitch
Not Like Mike
Way better than Mike Torrence!
This Yakima Ace 4 Hitch Bike Rack can hold up to four bikes, which means, when it's at capacity, it is holding one bike for each consecutive time I beat Mike Torrence at ping pong last night before he quit in the middle of our fifth game and texted his girlfriend to pick him up because he'd lost his driver's license due to too many unpaid parking tickets.
A piece of equipment with that much bike-capacity must be difficult to work, right? Wrong! It features SpeedKnob, a tool-free locking device, which makes it very different than my night last night, because no night with Mike Torrence could ever be considered, "tool-free," especially when Mike is lying and calling every one of my serves a let so that he can get another ultimately fleeting chance at victory.
There Can Be Only Pun: Pork and Bands
Help me feed my pun addiction! Check out what we're looking for and post your own puns in the comments!
THIS WEEK'S EPISODE: Pork & Bands
We were eating bacon recently, and somehow that led to us making a bunch of pig band jokes. Hence, this week's pun post. We're looking at pig bands:
- The Notorious P.I.G.
- Oinko-Boingo
- Shank Williams
Alright, you're up. Post away! I'll pick my faves next time!
The Best from last week (Flower Celebrities)
- Sham Rockwell (jimkillian, the esteemed)
- Kan-Lei West (goldilion)
- Marigoldie Hawn (Pamini)
Samsung Galaxy Note Sizzling Sale
The Philadelphia Purchasing Experiment
In 1943, the government sent a ship forward in time, to the future. So we gotta all have tablets and impress them when they arrive.
It's a story long shrouded in conspiratorial smoke. In 1943, the USS Eldridge jumped forward in time as part of an experiment gone wrong. The ship wound up in a far-off crazy future. And where are we right now? Exactly!
So let's all agree right now: when those sailors arrive, we're gonna prank 'em so hard, right? Let's all wear green-and-silver jumpsuits and say words like "bogus" and "meepthorp" like we know what we're talking about. And let's all make sure we have a few Samsung Galaxy Note tablets to show off, just so they know it's really the future.
The Debunker: Can Catholic Priests Be Married?
“Oh, my Luve’s like a red, red, rose / That’s newly sprung in June,” wrote Robert Burns, and while it’s always sad when a poet doesn’t know how to spell an easy word like “love,” it’s undeniably true that June is the most romantic month of the year. To this day, it’s the most popular month for Americans to get married, just ahead of August and May. We’ve asked Ken Jennings, the famous Jeopardy! champion and relationship guru, to puncture four matrimonial myths that have stuck around for years, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. If you’re not ready to have all your marital misconceptions shattered, speak now or forever hold your peace.
The Debunker: Can Catholic Priests Be Married?
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