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The Debunker: Is It Dangerous to Marry Your Cousin?

“Oh, my Luve’s like a red, red, rose / That’s newly sprung in June,” wrote Robert Burns, and while it’s always sad when a poet doesn’t know how to spell an easy word like “love,” it’s undeniably true that June is the most romantic month of the year. To this day, it’s the most popular month for Americans to get married, just ahead of August and May. We’ve asked Ken Jennings, the famous Jeopardy! champion and relationship guru, to puncture four matrimonial myths that have stuck around for years, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. If you’re not ready to have all your marital misconceptions shattered, speak now or forever hold your peace.

The Debunker: Is It Dangerous to Marry Your Cousin?

Dyson DC40 Multifloor Vacuum - 3 Colors

That's Ball, Folks

A vacuum on a ball? That's so balla.

See this tattoo here? No, no, not the one of Calvin peeing on the words SELF-RESPECT, this other one, the one with the letters. See how it says EIDIR2TB? That stands for my personal motto in life: Everything I Do Is Required 2 Be Balla. What? No, it's right: Everything... I... Do...Is... Required... 2... Be... aw, dag. That's what I get for not going to the most balla tattoo artist in town. Lesson learned.

ANYWAY my point is, if it can't be balla, I can't be bothered. That's how I choose everything: my cognac, my dinnerware, my puffy coats, my homeowner's insurance, which lane on the highway I'm going to drive in... everything. And most of all, my vacuum cleaners.

HP 15.6" Quad-Core TouchSmart Sleekbook

Touched.

TouchSmart Sleekbook WordKludge.

Hi Brabara,

I wanted to talk to discuss a series of incidents that have occurred recently here in the workplace. This is a delicate issue and it’s difficult for me to talk about it, but I don’t think I can stay silent any longer.

Thanks,

HP

 

Hi HP,

Just got your email. Remember, as your HR representative, I’m here to help. Please keep in mind anything you tell me - either via email or in person - is completely confidential. What are the details of these incidents?

Best,

Brabara

 

Hi Brabara,

On 4/13 of this year, Storphemie Domerset slid her index finger across me in a manner that was unsolicited and unwelcome. This happened again with Storphemie on 4/14 and 4/15.

Your Choice: VIZIO 1080p LED SmartTV

Now If Only We Had A Priazzo

It's the you of the future that the you of the past always hoped you'd be present to see.

THE YEAR IS 1986! A young you with most of your original hair looks at a science-fiction program and mumbles into a New Coke: one day that will be me using a television like a computer. Across the room, your grandfather finishes the last bite of his Florentine Priazzo and shouts BAH! THAT DAY WILL NEVER COME! And so you sneak off to the arcade and try in vain to get the high score on Out Run. It hurt so much then. But today? Today is the day you are vindicated.

KitchenAid Stand Mixer - 10 Colors

Food Coma

Can't blame the tools.

With top-quality tools like this KitchenAid stand mixer, you can make just about anything! Here's one of Woot's favorite recipes. Bon appétit!

Gnyquil Gnocchi

A delicious romp through torpidity. Makes a great fork supper. Serves 2 or 7.

Ingredients:

1 heavy cold

1 productive cough

4 bananas, tender

Store-bought pie crust of your choosing

8 cups of table salt

2 clammy hands

5 oz crab meat (smooth)

42 km moon soil (substitute with non-dairy whipped topping if religiously necessary.)

Directions:

1. To Preheat: Check your temperature. If you have a fever, croak pathetically at your spouse that this is the sickest you have ever been, without question.

2. Let sit on couch for 7 minutes before falling deep into a fever dream. Add crab meat.

Teeter Blemished EP-560 Inversion Table

Laminated For Your Enjoyment

Surprisingly sanitary!

We could tell you all about the health benefits of using this Teeter EP-560 Inversion Table. We could go on and on about its ComforTrak™ Bed, Ergo-Embrace™ Supports and Ankle Comfort Dial™. We could even boast that it's been Rated by Dynamark Engineering as the #1 inversion table for endurance, strength, rotation control and ease of assembly.

But when you really get down to it, there's only one feature of the Teeter EP-560 Inversion Table that matters; the Laminated User's Guide. You see, when we first acquired this inversion table, the very first thing we thought was, "YES! We can finally eat ice cream sandwiches without them melting and dripping down our arms!" And the second thing we thought was, "That did not go the way we thought it would!"

There Can Be Only Pun: Celebrity Flowers

Help me feed my pun addiction! Check out what we're looking for and post your own puns in the comments!

THIS WEEK'S EPISODE: Celebrity Flowers

Pretty straightforward this week. We want celebrity flowers. Take a flower, take a celebrity, mash them together, viola! Kinda like these:

  • Willem Dafoedil
  • Alexander Skarsgårdenias
  • Peoncé
     

Alright, you're up. Post away! I'll pick my faves next time!

The Best from last week (Candy Cities)

  • TobleRome, Italy (goldilion, who was ON FIRE for this one)
  • PayDayton, OH (jaburg)
  • Atlantictac City, NJ (Pamini)
     

HP 14" Dual-Core Chromebook with Free 4G

I'd Rather Be Chrome

We had a whole bunch of ideas for what do call this sale! So many we couldn't use 'em all!

This HP Chromebook is light, speedy, and comes with a 200MB of Free 4G (HSPA+) for two years data plan. It's made for traveling! And yet, our dumb ol' writing team focused entirely on the name. Go figure.

Anyway, they couldn't decide which concept would be best, so they asked us to set 'em all up and let YOU choose your favorite! Take a look and help 'em out, won't you?

Chrome On The Range - A drill sergeant takes her HP Chromebook with her to the firing range, with hilarious consequences!

Chrome Sweet Chrome - At a candy manufacturing plant, an up-and-coming confectioner uses his HP Chromebook to look up a magical recipe, with hilarious consequences!

Panasonic Quad-Proof Bluetooth Speaker

Turnabout

This speaker isn't just for entertainment. It can also be an instrument of revenge.

You know that annoying neighbor with the dog? The dog that won't stop barking all day and all night? Yeah. That dog. Of course we're not suggesting to throw ping pong balls at its head or dump shaving cream on the roof of its doghouse That would be cruel! And besides, it's not the dog's fault. We're also not suggesting you get a bigger and louder dog. We're suggesting that you get... an elephant.

That's right. An elephant. And maybe a dozen howler monkeys. Those are the ones that make a lot of noise, right? And while you're at it, maybe a gaggle of cockatoos. Don't worry about what you're going to feed them or where you're going to put them, because they're all going to fit right inside these rugged little speakers.

500TC 100% Pima Cotton Damask Sheet Set-5 Sizes

Sheet Sheet Sheet

When making your decisions on sheets, trust those who'll use them most.

WOOT.COM MAN ON THE STREET INTERVIEWS: WHAT'S YOUR OPINION ON THE 500TC PIMA COTTON DAMASK SHEET SET?

A. Mattress, Seattle, WA: I like knowing there's something soft between me and my person. And the wrinkle-resistant finish keeps me looking great!

A. Cat, Dallas, TX: After they come out of the dryer, I love diving under the luxurious Pima Cotton and waiting for my roommate to pass by so I can leap out and claw their leg. It's my favorite way to relax.

A. Puppy, New York, NY: OH BOY OH BOY OH  BOY I LOVE TO ROLL AROUND ON THESE SHEETS RIGHT AFTER I FINISH MY BATH OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH zzzzzzzzz