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HP 27" WQHD LED-Backlit IPS Monitor
Subtle, Ain't It?
You'll enjoy this monitor to the fullest! Assuming Frankie, Carmine and Carl let you.
Oh, good, my HP Monitor has arrived. Wait, who are you guys?
I'm Frankie. This is Carmine. This is Carl. Pleased to meet you.
Likewise. So, uh... what's up?
Oh, nothing. We're just here to help you use your monitor.
Oh, the one I already paid for?
Yeah. But, see, there's also this "express" option that's kind of popular these days.
I'm not sure I like the sound of that.
We (that is to say, Frankie, Carmine and Carl) believe it offers you a better and richer experience overall.
Okay, um... what is the "express" option?
You give Carmine twenty bucks every time you want to look at your HP Monitor's high-performance LCD display.
Sony STAMINA PLUS Batteries - 5 Sizes
Get it?
Stamina Plus? That sounds like… well, you know.
My rejected ad script for Sony STAMINA PLUS Alkaline Batteries:
[We see two old remotes next to each other on a couch. A romantic film plays on television. The female remote snuggles closer to the male remote. The male remote is hesitant to return the affection.]
Voice Over: You two have been together for a while, and your love is just as strong as it always has been…
[Cut to: two old RC cars out on a driveway. The female car revs her engine. The male car casts his headlights away, embarrassed.]
Voice Over: But as you get older, there can be issues. You can lose your drive and energy.
CATffeine
No, you're not seeing things. Out of our desperate attempt to be rich love for giving you options, we've added a little extra surprise for today. Consider it Shirt.Woot's gift to us from your wallet to all of you who were hoping to buy this shirt today. It's your chance to help us look good to our bosses get a little something extra for yourself, okay? Thank you You're welcome.
Craftsman Rolling Tool Chest & Cabinet
Tool Runnings
The original mobile technology.
What period of technology most profoundly influenced human development? The industrial revolution? The information age? The minidisc nano-epoch?
Wrong on all counts. Without the very first technological developments - your hammers, your axes, your adzes, whatever they are - we'd still be swinging through the trees, eating fruit, brawling, sleeping whenever we felt like it, rutting vigorously with whatever mate will have us... And that would be a bad thing. We guess.
There Can Be Only Pun: Moments in Plant History
Help me feed my pun addiction! Check out what we're looking for and post your own puns in the comments!
THIS WEEK'S EPISODE: Important Moments in Plant History
We're looking for moments in plant history. That's historic happenings and plants. Check it:
- The New Dill
- The Pelopoppynnesian War
- The Bulbonic Plague
Now, it's on you! Post yours in the comments and I'll pick my faves next time.
The Best from last week (Horror Movie Basketball)
- Brewce Dern (goldilion)
- Michael Frappaport(Dover7)
- Eclaire Danes (phileoca's wife)
Sony Xperia Z Tablet Bundles
Pop Quiz
It's standardized test season! At least, it is on Woot.com today. SEE HOW YOU SCORE
1) The Sony Xperia Z is:
a: a 10.1" tablet
b: a new mid-season replacement TV show about zombies
c: a powerful mutant
d: a horrible typo the Woot team made in an attempt to discuss a classic of Italian cinema
2: With a water-resistant design, you could use your tablet in which of the following ways?
a: completely submersed in up to three feet of water for around thirty minutes
b: to train yourself in breath control by watching one episode of Happy Days with your head in the pool and only coming up at the commercial breaks
c: as a gift for the King of Atlantis
d: to slap the Woot staff member you like the least
3: With the clever battery management system, you'll now be able to:
Ninja BL660 Professional Blender
Shinogaritas for Everyone!
It blends! It purees! It crushes ice! It assassinates the regent of the shogunate!
Once, noblemen pleaded with me for their lives. I crept in shadow, slipped through nets, struck like invisible lightning. I was silent death. They called me ninja.
Then, as I prowled through the temple to assassinate him, a powerful cleric saw me. Not with the eyes of the flesh, but with a sight beyond seeing. And he cast a hex on me. And I slept.
I awoke with neither voice to speak, nor legs to run, nor hand to raise in objection. I was trapped. I was trapped inside a blender.
I am damned to endure humiliation unending. Prodded at, commanded, driven like a slave. My blades, once so deadly, now taste only ignoble combat with fruit, vegetables, ice. And the final insult? They still call me Ninja.
Choose Your Samsung 1080p LED Smart TV
bon moTV
Kill your TV! And then immediately buy a new one from us!
"Hey Torroll. Is that the new TV?"
"That's right, Clowny! This is the ol' Samsung Smart TV!"
"Looks great."
"It certainly has a high-quality picture, if you'll pardon the pun."
"Eh?"
"And it sure does allow me to connect to my home network via Wifi, if you'll excuse the expression."
"I'm not - "
"Yep, you could say this TV really does let me use a USB connection to play any content I want, if you'll pardon my pumpkins."
"That's not a - "
"All in all, I guess you could say it was a Smart buy."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Something wrong, Clowny?"
"I thought you were gonna … That was the only actual … Just put on a movie."
FootJoy M:Project Spikeless Golf Shoes
Sorry Spike
Today M stands for Mother everywhere across the land! Except for these golf shoes here. They're Men's sizes only.
Donald. Here's one for you. Jackie. Here's one for you. Peter. Here's one for you. WHOA NOT SO FAST SPIKE
Spike, we've been meaning to talk to you about- oh, Carl, good, here's your pair of FootJoy M:Project Spikeless Golf Shoes, enjoy. -about your performance lately. You see, Spike, we're starting to feel that- Yes, James, good job out there, here's your pair of FootJoy M:Project Spikeless Golf Shoes, enjoy the full underfoot comfort. -you're really not living up to your full potential. It's just reached the point that we've got no choice but- Terry, my man! Hey check out the full rounded toe on your pair of FootJoy M:Project Spikeless Golf Shoes! Isn't that great! Here you go. -to go spikeless for the forseeable future.
Klipsch 8" 350W Powered Subwoofer
It Could Happen
Could be a sandwich, could be a dog. How would you know without the power of quality sound?
Our senses are very important, but also easily fooled. Imagine the heartbreak of taking a bite of a delicious sandwich, only to see it turn on you and growl in anger. "What's this?" you'd say, "Where's my sandwich gone?" The only answer: it was never a sandwich. It was always... a dog.
But with a powerful Klipsch SW350 Subwoofer, it won't matter what you see. Because you'll hear! You'll hear the low rumbles of big, clear bass across the room (thanks to the 8-inch driver and Class D amplifier) and you'll be able to say OH NO I HEAR A GROWL THAT MUST BE A DOG IN A SANDWICH COSTUME and run to the kitchen for a less barky treat.
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