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The Debunker: Is Presidents Day a National Holiday?
In a series of “Debunker” columns from a few years back, Ken Jennings shattered a few beloved myths about the presidency—Abraham Lincoln didn’t write the Gettysburg Address on an envelope, JFK didn’t kill the hat. So why take on four more White House whitewashes this month? It’s a matter of some urgency: Ken has a fun new book out this month about such matters. So get ready to whistle along to “Fail to the Chief” as KJ blows up everything you thought you knew about the leader of the free world.
The Debunker: Is Presidents Day a National Holiday?
Sony STAMINA PLUS Batteries - 5 Sizes
Get it?
Stamina Plus? That sounds like… well, you know.
My rejected ad script for Sony STAMINA PLUS Alkaline Batteries:
[We see two old remotes next to each other on a couch. A romantic film plays on television. The female remote snuggles closer to the male remote. The male remote is hesitant to return the affection.]
Voice Over: You two have been together for a while, and your love is just as strong as it always has been…
[Cut to: two old RC cars out on a driveway. The female car revs her engine. The male car casts his headlights away, embarrassed.]
Voice Over: But as you get older, there can be issues. You can lose your drive and energy.
CATffeine
No, you're not seeing things. Out of our desperate attempt to be rich love for giving you options, we've added a little extra surprise for today. Consider it Shirt.Woot's gift to us from your wallet to all of you who were hoping to buy this shirt today. It's your chance to help us look good to our bosses get a little something extra for yourself, okay? Thank you You're welcome.
Craftsman Rolling Tool Chest & Cabinet
Tool Runnings
The original mobile technology.
What period of technology most profoundly influenced human development? The industrial revolution? The information age? The minidisc nano-epoch?
Wrong on all counts. Without the very first technological developments - your hammers, your axes, your adzes, whatever they are - we'd still be swinging through the trees, eating fruit, brawling, sleeping whenever we felt like it, rutting vigorously with whatever mate will have us... And that would be a bad thing. We guess.
There Can Be Only Pun: Moments in Plant History
Help me feed my pun addiction! Check out what we're looking for and post your own puns in the comments!
THIS WEEK'S EPISODE: Important Moments in Plant History
We're looking for moments in plant history. That's historic happenings and plants. Check it:
- The New Dill
- The Pelopoppynnesian War
- The Bulbonic Plague
Now, it's on you! Post yours in the comments and I'll pick my faves next time.
The Best from last week (Horror Movie Basketball)
- Brewce Dern (goldilion)
- Michael Frappaport(Dover7)
- Eclaire Danes (phileoca's wife)
FootJoy M:Project Spikeless Golf Shoes
Sorry Spike
Today M stands for Mother everywhere across the land! Except for these golf shoes here. They're Men's sizes only.
Donald. Here's one for you. Jackie. Here's one for you. Peter. Here's one for you. WHOA NOT SO FAST SPIKE
Spike, we've been meaning to talk to you about- oh, Carl, good, here's your pair of FootJoy M:Project Spikeless Golf Shoes, enjoy. -about your performance lately. You see, Spike, we're starting to feel that- Yes, James, good job out there, here's your pair of FootJoy M:Project Spikeless Golf Shoes, enjoy the full underfoot comfort. -you're really not living up to your full potential. It's just reached the point that we've got no choice but- Terry, my man! Hey check out the full rounded toe on your pair of FootJoy M:Project Spikeless Golf Shoes! Isn't that great! Here you go. -to go spikeless for the forseeable future.
Klipsch 8" 350W Powered Subwoofer
It Could Happen
Could be a sandwich, could be a dog. How would you know without the power of quality sound?
Our senses are very important, but also easily fooled. Imagine the heartbreak of taking a bite of a delicious sandwich, only to see it turn on you and growl in anger. "What's this?" you'd say, "Where's my sandwich gone?" The only answer: it was never a sandwich. It was always... a dog.
But with a powerful Klipsch SW350 Subwoofer, it won't matter what you see. Because you'll hear! You'll hear the low rumbles of big, clear bass across the room (thanks to the 8-inch driver and Class D amplifier) and you'll be able to say OH NO I HEAR A GROWL THAT MUST BE A DOG IN A SANDWICH COSTUME and run to the kitchen for a less barky treat.
Samsung Galaxy Note 10.1" (2014 Edition)
Hot Apps
Get chiseled, well-defined... apps?
You see people on TV with great apps, and you think, what does a shlub like me have to do to get apps like that?
Well, the answer is simple! By using a Samsung Galaxy Note Tablet! That's right! You don't need a big machine that's going to get in anybody's way! You don't need a costly gym membership! all you need for hot apps is the light and convenient Samsung Galaxy Note Tablet!
These tablets are the P6000 models! That's 66.666666 times as much P as P90X without that nasty X comedown! And you can have strong, well-defined apps just minutes after boot-up! But you don't have to take it from us, just listen to these satisfied customers:
"I used to be the kind of guy who wore a t-shirt in the swimming pool. Now, with my Samsung Galaxy Note, everyone who sees me on the street compliments my apps." - Doug, real customer
Mint Hard Floor Cleaner
Knight in Shining Microfiber
"Mint Hard Floor, Mint Hard Floor. Wherefore art thou, Mint Hard Floor?"
Peaches the Cat gaz'd longingly out the window. Another day gone, and still nay word from her betroth'd. Had he ev'r existed, 'r had her mind been playing tricks on her? Was he but a dream?
But oh! What an enchanting dream! He was pet perfect in ev'ry way. The manner by which he clean'd expertly along walls and around chair legs, yet whisper quiet in his art. With instincts, sharp like the blade, not only for whence to go, but whence not.
"Where art thou, mine white steed with rechargeable power source? Wherefore wilt i suffer? Wherefore wilt i question the state of mine own floor? If ye art to come, come yarely by way of the Northstar® Navigation System. Until then, with great longing and anticipation, I layeth in wait."
Asus 11.6" Touchscreen Dual-Core Laptop
Technology is Gross
You know when I'll buy this laptop? When it comes with an optional HAZMAT suit add-on.
Laugh all you want. Call me a "weirdo" or a "germ freak" or whatever. But I refuse to buy a laptop, especially this Asus 11.6" Touchscreen one.
Why? Because it's only one letter away from sharing its name with the most vile part of any living creature's body. And speaking of which, I've been in the bathroom with people who waltz right out of the stall and exit the bathroom without washing their hands. Right in front of me! I shudder to think what they're getting their filthy little fingers into when someone ISN'T around to witness it.
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