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The Lady Or The Tiger

Time to choose, friends. The HDTV with the lady... or the HDTV with the tiger!

On your left, you'll see that 70" HDTV, featuring the image of a lady. Very clear and lifelike, isn't she? She's in 1080p, after all. On your right, you'll see a 32" HDTV. 720p, of course, but more than enough to make out the image of that tiger. But wait! Before you choose, know you have MORE OPTIONS!

Look there, to the East! A 65" 1080p HDTV with the image of a tiger on it! Or there, to the West! A 29" 720p HDTV with the image of a lady! Or to the North, a 55" 1080p HDTV with the image of a lady, but a lady who hates you! And to the South, to the South! A 47" 1080p HDTV with the image of a tiger, but a tiger who loves you!

World War Roku 2

Single childhood can be stressful 

Listen, I try my best, but as the single child of an aging Baby Boomer, it can be hard to juggle my daily responsibilities. I want to give my dad the quality time I know he needs, but sometimes I just need to plop him down on the couch and let him watch World War II documentaries on the Roku 2 for a few hours. 

I know, I know. Experts say he should be outside, playing Scrabble with his peers, but life can get so hectic and I need a reprieve from taking care of him. So I find some History Channel special on the Luftwaffe or something (he'll watch the same one over and over, it doesn't matter) and take a little "me time." 

Sharon?

I don't want to wait in vain next to two phones 

Those of us who sit by our phones waiting for the love of our life to call us back have, until now, been faced with a conundrum: Should we wait in vain by our cell phone or our land line? Which method of telephonic communication should we sob silently next to, fruitlessly wishing for it to ring, for it to be the one on the other end, and for everything to be good again? 

The Panasonic Link2Cell phone system solves the problem by connecting your cell phone and land lines via Bluetooth, meaning that, in the unlikely-to-impossible chance that he or she forgives us and calls back, we won't miss it if we're wringing our hands by the wrong phone. 

The Oxymoron of Ladders

Smells like teen spirit and paint fumes.

The product features for these Little Giant ladders and accessories read like the halls of a 1990s high school. The wide-flared legs. The platform and rubberized feet. The self-loathing. You'd probably feel the same way, if your parents gave you an oxymoron for a name.

The only thing it needs now is a floral skirt and some combat boots. Maybe a flannel shirt construction instead of lightweight aerospace-grade aluminum, and a droning melancholic soundtrack. We'd say throw in a fat guy wearing a bandolier of candy bars (could be harmonicas), but these have a weight capacity of 250 lbs. 300, tops.