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Sharon?

I don't want to wait in vain next to two phones 

Those of us who sit by our phones waiting for the love of our life to call us back have, until now, been faced with a conundrum: Should we wait in vain by our cell phone or our land line? Which method of telephonic communication should we sob silently next to, fruitlessly wishing for it to ring, for it to be the one on the other end, and for everything to be good again? 

The Panasonic Link2Cell phone system solves the problem by connecting your cell phone and land lines via Bluetooth, meaning that, in the unlikely-to-impossible chance that he or she forgives us and calls back, we won't miss it if we're wringing our hands by the wrong phone. 

The Oxymoron of Ladders

Smells like teen spirit and paint fumes.

The product features for these Little Giant ladders and accessories read like the halls of a 1990s high school. The wide-flared legs. The platform and rubberized feet. The self-loathing. You'd probably feel the same way, if your parents gave you an oxymoron for a name.

The only thing it needs now is a floral skirt and some combat boots. Maybe a flannel shirt construction instead of lightweight aerospace-grade aluminum, and a droning melancholic soundtrack. We'd say throw in a fat guy wearing a bandolier of candy bars (could be harmonicas), but these have a weight capacity of 250 lbs. 300, tops.

Know Your Receivers

There are so many receivers out there! How do you know which one to pick?

With the football draft approaching and people considering what type of player they'd like to add to their team, we've noticed a fairly common mistake these days is to confuse WIDE receivers with NETWORK receivers like this Onkyo 7.2 Channel Network Receiver.

Understandable! But we thought we'd clear things up. To set the record straight, here are some examples of wide receivers vs. network receivers:

Jerry Rice? WIDE RECEIVER

Onkyo 7.2 Channel Network Receiver? NETWORK RECEIVER!

Randy Moss? WIDE RECEIVER

Onkyo 7.2 Channel Network Receiver? NETWORK RECEIVER!

Reggie Wayne? WIDE RECEIVER

Onkyo 7.2 Channel Network Receiver? NETWORK RECEIVER!

Wes Welker? WIDE RECEIVER

Onkyo 7.2 Channel Network Receiver? NETWORK RECEIVER!

Asus No Questions (We'll Tell You No Lies)

A laptop like this is nothing to turn up your nose at, you know. You could learn a lot from a laptop like this.

Once upon a time knowledge came from books. BOOK! HA! TODAY WE SCOFF AT BOOKS AS OUR ANCESTORS DID SCROLLS AND CARVED WHEAT! Today we of the modern era use our 1TB hard drives for MUSIC AND GAMES because the information of the ages is available for all! Don't believe us? Buy this Asus Q550 i7 and enter the Internet!

Do you know about chicoreus territus? Why, that's a gastropod mollusk in the family of murex snails! What about the name of microporous aluminosilicate minerals commonly used as adsorbents and catalysts? Duh, those are Zeolites! We've known about those since 1756! Try to keep up, okay?