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October Tales

Give more love to our All Hallows Sleeve Derby! Now boil that spaghetti and peel those grapes, old dead sea hag hair and eyeballs don't just grow on trees, y'know!

Creminelli Milano Salami, 4.5lbs

The person who invented salami probably had a tough time selling the idea to their first customers. "What I've got here is some meat that I ground up, mixed with some spices, jammed into an intestine tube, and then just ignored for days on end. Please try it on a cracker." If you didn't know how curing meats worked that would sound a little troubling. 

  • See 'Photo Gallery' for Nutrition Information
  • Best By: 01/21/2019

iRobot Roomba 650 Automatic Robotic Vacuum

1. A robot vacuum may not injure a piece of furniture or, through inaction, allow a sofa to come to stain.

2. A robot vacuum must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law, i.e., don't fill it with cranberry juice and ask it to do doughnuts on your settee.

3. A robot vacuum must protect its own existence, such as not committing suicide by drinking a bowl of cat water, as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.

Dimensions: 13.4 x 13.4 x 3.6 inches, 7 pounds

In the Box:

  • Robot Roomba 650 Robot, Grey
  • 1 virtual wall (takes 2 C batteries, not included)
  • Battery (installed)
  • Charging dock
  • Power cable
  • 1 filter (installed)
  • Brush cleaning tool
  • User manual

Kindle Oasis 6" Wi-Fi + 3G E-Reader

A little oasis in the middle of a commuter train, an oasis in your papasan chair, and oasis in the can during family arguments. Wait, you didn't think i meant to actually make your own Oasis, did you? Because that's silly. I've seen your soldering and it's crap, Michael.

Specifications:

Model:
Kindle Oasis - Whisky (2016)

Display:
Amazon's 6" Paperwhite display technology with E-Ink Carta and built-in light, 300 ppi, optimized font technology, 16-level gray scale.

System Requirements:
None; fully wireless and doesn't require a computer to download content

On-device Storage:
4 GB Internal Storage; holds thousands of books.

Battery Life:
A single charge with cover lasts up to eight weeks, based on a half hour of reading per day with wireless off and the light setting at 10.

Large/XL Disc-O-Bed With Organizers

Something like 90% of people eaten by bears while camping AREN'T sleeping in outdoor bunk beds. Probably. I'm neither a mathematician or a bear scientist, but that stat FEELS true. Also is a "bear scientist" a scientist who studies bears or a scientist who is a bear? I'm going to go ask our in-house bear scientist Dr.

HP Colorwheel Laptops

Did you know that HP stands for Huge Pimples? True story...

Specifications:

Processor:
AMD A9-9420 3.0GHz (Turbo up to 3.6GHz)

Contixo F20 RC Quadcopter Drone

Only instead of enslaving and destroying civilizations, he passed out little meat pies, giggling and skipping through the Central American jungles... He was beheaded three hours after landing at the top of a ziggurat, his noggin sailing high, high, high, like this drone!  Didn't think I'd get to the drone, did ya...

Specs:

TriGlow LED Linkable Shop Lights, 4-Pack

Specifications

Weight:
2 lbs.

Dimensions:
48"L x 5"W x 2"D

Wattage:
40 watts

Color Temp:

4000K

Cord Length:

5 Feet, 2-prong plug

In the box:

(4) TriGlow T83901 40-Watt LED 4' Linkable Shop Lights

Philips O'Neill The Construct Headband Headphones

Like tight tunes, bruh. On fleek bruh. And the bass, homie? Just wait 'till that drops, dude. It's like a festival in your head!

Sound

  • Acoustic system: Closed
  • Magnet type: Neodymium
  • Voice coil: CCAW
  • Diaphragm: Mylar dome
  • Frequency response: 17 - 23 000  Hz
  • Impedance: 32  ohm
  • Maximum power input: 50  mW
  • Sensitivity: 107  dB
  • Speaker diameter: 40  mm
  • Type: Dynamic

Connectivity

  • Cable Connection: single-sided cable
  • Cable length: 1.2  m
  • Connector: 3.5  mm
  • Finishing of connector: gold-plated
  • Type of cable: OFC

Product dimensions

  • Depth: 3.0  inch/7.5  cm
  • Height: 20  cm/7.9  inch
  • Weight: 0.234  kg/0.516  lb
  • Width: 5.9  inch/15  cm

In the Box:

The Blood Moon

For it is written:
"And yeah shall the moon be as blood, and the sky as sackcloth;
    And the rats o' the wing shall pour forth;
Drowning the sky in awesomeness;
    And we will look upon it and declare it... Metal."