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Dyson DC35 Multi Floor Vacuum
How Long Must We Wait?
It is with great disappointment that we report the failed merger between Slyson and Dyson.
Dyson is known for some of the vacuuming world's most impressive innovations, including patented root cyclone technology that never loses suction and lifetime filters that never need to be replaced. But imagine, just for a moment, if a Dyson vacuum was MORE than just the best vacuum in the world. Imagine, if you will, if a Dyson was a vacuum AND a vegetable slicer.
It Slysons! It Dysons! Can you imagine the implications? As the powerful centrifugal forces spin dust and dirt out of the air and into the bin, the patented Slyson blades perfectly julienne your carrots! And with just one flick of the high velocity airflow crevice tool - voila! An expertly diced mirepoix in minutes!
There Can Be Only Pun: Best Picture Cereals
You guys, I have an addiction. I'm addicted to puns. I need them. I can't get enough of them. I HUNGER FOR THEM. That's why I've set up this weekly blog feature: so you guys can feed my addiction. Every week, I'll name the topic, give you some examples, and then you'll pun away in the comments, on Facebook, or on Twitter. I'll choose the best ones and post them here next week. Sound good? Good! Let's do it!
THIS WEEK'S EPISODE: Best Picture Cereals!
It's almost time for the big movie awards show. So we're looking for Best Picture cereal puns. (Doesn't have to be a movie that won; can just be a nominee.) Here are some examples:
- No Country For Oat Bran
- Apple Jacques-Yves Cousteau's World Without Sun
- Of Muesli And Men
Your turn! Post in the comments and I'll choose my favorites next week!
Craftsman Rolling Tool Chest & Cabinet
Craft it Up
We're going to ship it better than last time! And even better next time!
We sold this Craftsman Rolling Tool Chest before, and would you believe it: we shipped it in a weak box and it arrived damaged. We're not making that mistake again. We're packing this bad boy in a special, durable, double-walled box to ensure it shows up to your house in tip-top shape.
But you know what, we're not stopping there. While the double-walled box is all we have for this Craftsman Rolling Tool Chest currently, we're excited to announce that we'll be offering these other durable shipping options in the future:
The Trivial Eye: Board Game Battlefields
The only good wars are the ones fought around a table with your friends. No casualties, no shattered cities or burned fields or starving refugees, and it's all over in a few hours. Here are eight game boards where millions of us have discovered the pleasures of phony wars. Some were total global conflicts, others mere skirmishes. Do you recognize these play battlefields?
Answers are here. Please post your guesses, speculations, or arguments below! But know this: the Trivial Eye is presented for public amusement and no prizes are offered other than that familiar feeling of aggravation that so much of your mind is occupied by useless trivia.
Simmons Curv 2" Topper-Gel or Standard-5 Sizes
Point-Counterpoint: Gel vs. Foam
The perpetual marketing struggle is herein portrayed
Greetings, consumer. I am Doctor Luke Bregoff with the International Foam Council, here to discuss the relative merits and overall superiority of foam products.
Whazzup, y'all? This is Gel Dude, the baddest gel-lovin' dude with serious attitude, here to spit some mad gel-promoting verbiage in ya ear.
If you find yourself deciding between the foam or gel Simmons Curv 2" mattress topper, may I humbly suggest you consider the foam choice? This dependable, long-lasting mattress topper will serve you and your loving family for generations.
C'mon broster, you gonna grab life by the horns and pick the gel mattress topper, or join the brainwashed hordes who prefer foam? While you're making up your mind I'mma slam this Jolt soda. Whoaaaaaaaa!
Rayovac Alkaline Batteries (7 Options)
BOTUS
U-S-A! U-S-A! Bring home the gold! And batteries!
It's official: 2014's [quadrennial worldwide winter sports showdown] has come and gone, and it was full of excitement.
But when you're not a [quadrennial worldwide winter sports showdown] participant (or maybe you are, and if that's the case, well done!), you might feel a little left out. How are you supposed to show your country pride if you can't bring home a medal?
Buy these Rayovac MADE IN THE USA Batteries.
They may not be gold, silver, or bronze, but alkaline is a metal (which is very close to being a medal!), and hey, if you look closely enough, you can see some silver on the battery itself. We're not sure if it's genuine silver, but the color sure looks like silver. And you didn't even have to twizzle! Congrats!
HP 17.3" Full HD i7 TouchSmart Laptop
Supply-Side Electronics
Everyone has a price. And so does every laptop. We're still looking for this one's.
If there's one thing we've learned in nine-plus years of hustling discount widgets, it's that "good or bad?" is the wrong question to ask about a product. The question is, is the price right? A gizmo that stinks like feces at $100 might shine like gold at $20.
So we're hoping our latest price drop puts the shine on this HP 17.3" Touchsmart laptop. Aside from the irrational fear and loathing that Windows 8 inspires in the hearts of men, it can do a lot for a laptop at this price. That 1920x1080 touchscreen, 8GB DDR3 memory, the 1TB hard drive, four USB ports including one USB 3.0: these are burly specs. This laptop totally shreds, people! Come on!
MuscleTech Phase8 Protein (4 Flavors)
UnPhased.
MuscleTech leverages the magic of numbers to make the case for their premium muscle protein delivery system. And why not? Our numbers indicate that numbers are the best way to hawk high-quality milkfoods.
We already know that MuscleTech's powder provides six different proteins (although not one of them is "mussel," rather disappointingly). But our big question, MuscleTech, is this: What are the first seven phases?
Phase I: Optimization: Prepare your muscles for maximum throbbiness and feature-rich mobile marketing.
Phase II: Anaphase. Something about chromatids. Now, it's been a while since we studied science, but if memory serves, a chromatid is a kind of melon or legume. One of the two.
Phase III: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Lifesmart Infrared Fireplace 1,800 sq ft Heater
Don't Give A Rat's House
I need two things from a fireplace: it's got to warm the room, and it must not let rats into my house.
Yeah, sure, everybody loves the good old-fashioned fireplace. The family gathered around the hearth, a cozy plume rising from the chimney outside, all that crap. All that goes up in smoke the moment a rat finds its way down that chimney. Oh, you've got a screen or a cap on your chimney? And you're positive that will never be breached? Been up to your roof lately to check on it, have you? No? Then how do you know? HOW CAN YOU BE SURE?
Music Monday: Lies
Happy Music Monday! Music has always been about the dark side of life, so one must expect that lies would be mentioned regularly. Today Scott's picked five songs about lies. Do you have any to add? It'll be your turn at the end! Honest!
Lies can be weird, because sometimes they're what we WANT to hear. We know they're fake, but we still want 'em whispered at us. And, to be fair, sometimes the world is just better when wrapped in lies.
See you after the jump! Unless we're just making that up. You gotta ask yourself… can you trust this blog post?
Marina And The Diamonds - Lies
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